


it should've been me

by cptnjvnes



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Character Death, F/M, Killian feels guilty, Minor Swearing, Sad, What Have I Done, im sorry, small au, this one kinda hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27488599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cptnjvnes/pseuds/cptnjvnes
Summary: A 5x11 AU, in which Emma sacrifices herself instead of Killian. Angst and sadness ensues. (basically my take on a canon-compliant of the ending of season 5A ehe)
Relationships: Captain Hook | Killian Jones & Emma Swan, Captain Hook | Killian Jones & Henry Mills, Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	it should've been me

**Author's Note:**

> there is major character death involved in this fic, so please approach with caution! other than that, i really enjoyed writing this, and i've always found it interesting to think about if killian was the one who had to go to the underworld to save emma. it would have def been a cool storyline to see! enjoy the story babes <3

Killian could practically see the gears turning in her head as she looked at the sword. Realisation settled in him, and soon, dread.

“Swan, no. There has to be another way.” He tried to convince her, but in truth, he was trying to convince himself. Inevitably, he knew there wasn’t - but he was prepared to do anything to ensure Emma doesn’t do what she’s about to do.

“You know there isn’t, Killian. It has to be this way.” He saw the tears rolling down her cheeks, the way her hands trembled holding the sword, the way her lips were quivering, and the way she looked so broken. She got closer and caressed his cheek.

“I love y-“ She started.

“Don’t say it. Don’t say it as if this is goodbye, please Swan.” He cut her off instead.

Killian looked at her, a knot caught up in his throat. The thought of losing her isn’t something he could bear. Emma Swan was his hope, his light, his life, his _everything_. If he loses her, there is no doubt in his mind that he’ll be losing himself as well.

Slowly, she took his hand, kissed the palm, and pressed it to her cheek. “I love you, Killian Jones. You have made everyday worth living. You’ve come so far, and I could not be any prouder of you. Don’t lose yourself just because you’re going to lose me. I’m sorry it had to be like this, I wish we had more time, my love.” 

Emma turned to walk to her family, and Killian hesitated to let go of her hand. He never wants to let go of her. He just wants to carry her home and lay in bed as they hold on tight to each other, forgetting the mess of everything.

He watched as she hugged Henry, then her parents, even Regina and Robin. He heard the sobs and cries from the family and friends that loved her dearly. The way Henry was holding on tight to her, and Snow White and David looking so wrecked. Hell, even Regina was crying while Robin looked devastated. His mind was racing, his ear was ringing. 

No, this had to be a bad dream. A trick from the darkness. He wasn’t going to lose her, he can’t lose her, not after everything they’ve been through together.

“Killian..” He didn’t even realise she was in front of him again. Looking down, he saw that she was passing the sword to him.

“Emma, no-“ He started.

“You know it has to be like this.” This time, it was Emma who cut him off with her tear-stained cheeks. She pressed the helm of the sword into his palm and rested her forehead on his, closing her eyes as she held on tight to him.

“It should have been me, don’t do this to yourself, love. I don’t want to make you pay for my selfish actions. Don’t leave me, not again. I need you. We all do.” His voice broke again, but that was nothing compared to the brokenness he feels in his heart.

Emma wiped away his tears with the pad of her thumb. “I know, which is why I am certain that you’ll find me again someday.” She turned to her family to give them a sad smile, which Killian can see she is struggling to do so. 

“You all will always find me, but this is my fate, as the Saviour. For once in my life, I am certain this is what I am destined to do. Just like how I am certain all of my family will find me again someday. I just wished that it didn’t have to be this way.”

He knows she is scared, but in truth, who wouldn’t be? She is about to sacrifice herself, again, but this time, she is going to succumb to death. Not just the darkness anymore, not to a place where they can save her.

 _Death_. Something so inevitable yet soul-crushing.

With no hesitation, he kissed her, wanting to memorise every detail of her; the soft feel of her skin, the way her emerald green eyes shone, the way her golden blonde hair cascaded perfectly down to her shoulders. 

He didn’t want this moment to end, but of course, he had no such luck and the moment was short-lived. He adjusted the sword in his hand, unable to stop the flow of tears and guilt that was crushing him.

“I’m sorry, Swan, please forgive me..” He cried.

“Oh Killian, I did that a long time ago. Take care of them for me, okay? I love you, so much.” She breathed, cupping his cheeks with her hand.

He didn’t know when it happened, or how exactly he got his body to move, but the sword pierced through Emma’s stomach as a scream recked through her. Dropping the sword, he immediately gathered her in his arms as her knees gave out and the light engulfed them, turning back to their normal selves once again.

“No, no, no, Emma! _Fuck_ , Swan, stay with me, please! We’ll get you help, yeah? You’re gonna be just fine, my love. T-Then after that, we’ll go home, forget about this entire mess, aye? Stay with m- David, get your hands off me!” He squirmed when David attempted to pull him off Emma’s pale and limp body. 

He could see the tears rolling down on the Prince’s cheeks. He heard Snow White sobbing into her husband’s chest, knowing the fact that they’ll never be able to see their daughter again.

“Killian!” He heard Henry’s yell before feeling a bone-crushing hug from the lad, letting him sob into his chest. “Killian, she’s gone…” Another sob. “I won’t be able to feel her hug, let her kiss my forehead, or hear her say ‘I love you’ to me ever again. I won’t see my own mother ever again.” This time, a full cry emerged from Henry, and Killian’s heart broke even more. He didn’t think that was even possible.

“Hush now, my lad. Your mother will always be with you, as would I, and the rest of your family. You will never be alone, I promise.” Killian hugged Henry tight, comforting the boy becoming his top priority at the moment. 

He loved Henry as if he was his own blood. All the operations they did for Emma, the love they all shared together as a family. Not once has Killian thought of Henry as anything less than a son, and someone he intends to protect with everything he has. He continues comforting the boy, with new fresh tears of his own as he doesn’t let go of his love’s cold hand.

//

Not long after, the paramedics arrived. They hoisted Emma’s body onto the stretcher, but not once did he let go of her hand. No. He couldn’t let go of his Swan. The woman he loved with every fiber of his being, the woman who brought such light into his life and made him a better person.

This was some sick punishment for all his sins from the past. The guilt crushing on his shoulders was overwhelming. He would do anything to trade places with Emma, to see her alive and well.

It should’ve been him.

“Killian?” Henry’s soft voice startled him away from his thoughts.

“Yes, my boy?” He gave a sad smile to him, gently brushing away Henry’s hair away from his face. A gesture a father would do.

“You won’t leave me, right? Promise me you won’t leave me. I don’t want to see another person I love die.” He held close to Killian, clearly not wanting to let go.

“‘Course not lad. I won’t leave you. We all won’t leave you, I promise. Your mother never left you, either. She’s still living in you, you know?” He gladly returned the hug to the teenage boy.

Henry had looked so vulnerable at the point in time. He looked so small and fragile, as if he would breakdown into waterworks anytime soon. It broke Killian’s heart to see him in such a way. That was why he was putting on a brave face. For Henry.

He had taken up a small bench by the docks once everything had died down. The Charmings’ had invited him to Granny’s, not wanting him to be alone, but he didn’t think he could handle being anywhere near the heart of Storybrooke. Everything reminded him of her, it was too much to bear.

Taking out the ring from his pocket, Killian held it up and eyed it with the horizon. The paramedics had given him the ring before they took her away. Even seeing it now, he felt tears pricking at his eyes.

“I swear to you Swan, I will find you again. I will _always_ find you.”

**Author's Note:**

> ahh, there's that. i apologise for any mistakes that i made in there :( i hope u guys enjoyed it, thanks for reading and ily!


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